Dear To Whom It May Concern About This Position,
Hello. I am me, applying for this position that I am applying for, which is conveniently the same position as that which is listed in the subject line.
Here is everything that I listed on my resume, turned into more well-constructed sentences but basically saying the same thing. Desperate attempt to insert some semblance of charm into my prose in order to demonstrate my sparkling personality but without going so far as to make myself seem completely unprofessional thereby causing the reader to doubt my sincerity and thus potential as a future (hopeful) colleague (maybe).
Totally passive-aggressive ‘call-to-action’ of sorts because that’s what they say you should do on these things but isn’t it rude and/or cocky and therefore off-putting to just straight-up tell you to give me this job? so i don’t know like maybe you should interview me or something yeah that’d be cool kthxbye.
Love, The Same Guy Who Introduced Himself In The First Sentence Of The First Paragraph Anyway But In Case You Forget After Sorting Through My Nervous Ranting and Rehashing It’s Thom